


Blitzkrieg

by RosellaC



Category: Archer (Cartoon), Inspector Gadget - Fandom
Genre: Crossover Pairings, F/M, Fluff and Crack, Slow Burn, Sorry Not Sorry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-27
Updated: 2016-09-11
Packaged: 2018-08-11 04:46:26
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 7,986
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7877137
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RosellaC/pseuds/RosellaC
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Inspector Gadget's niece, Penny, is all grown up and needs a job. Malory Archer needs a new techie. Mad scientists need love too. Guess what happens.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Set during Season 6, with very minor timeline fuckery. Rating is primarily due to language and discussions of doin' it, but if you're an Archer fan you're probably OK with all of that. 
> 
> I'm a fanfic virgin so please be constructive and kind. :-) As always, none of these characters are mine - just borrowing them for funsies, no copyright infringement intended. Many thanks to Bugsuit for lovely beta reading!

“Item ten.” Malory taps the staff meeting agenda on her desk. “Since that idiot Bilbo has apparently decided to stop showing up to work, I’ve hired a new technical analyst to replace him, starting Monday.” A general air of slack-jawed disbelief greets Malory’s pronouncement. Lana is the first to find her voice, as usual. 

“Uh, Malory? You do remember _why_ Bilbo hasn’t been at work, don’t you?” Malory looks blank. “He’s _dead_ , Malory. You slapped him so hard he literally had a heart attack and died.” 

“Oh, yes, of course,” Malory says airily. “Not much of a loss, really. I never cared for him. At any rate, our new analyst comes highly recommended and I expect you all to be welcoming.” 

***

“Can you believe that woman? Cold as the goddamn North Pole. Every time I think I’ve seen her limit, she manages to top herself.” Indignant Lana is ignoring her lunch in favor of venting to Pam and Cheryl in the break room. Pam sees her opportunity and reaches over to neatly snag Lana’s burrito, taking a bite before Lana manages to notice. “I mean, Bilbo was kind of a pain in the ass, but ‘Not much of a loss, really’?!? And what’s with the surprise announcement? Pam, you _are_ the HR department – you have to have known something about this!” 

Pam actually looks a bit guilty at this. “Yeah, I knew,” she admits. 

“So why didn’t you say anything? God knows you usually can’t keep a secret to save your life.” 

“Well, first of all, she’s like an honest-to-God child prodigy –“ 

Cheryl, horrified, cuts Pam off. “Wait a minute. She’s a child??” 

Pam rolls her eyes. “Shut your dick holster and let me finish! No, she’s not a goddamn child. Well, not anymore, anyway. She _was_ a child prodigy, travelled all over the world with her uncle or some shit, and along the way she developed insane tech skills. She can hack into anything, hotwire anything, build anything, you name it. Plus, her uncle was a cyborg, so now she specializes in cyborg technology, which is the main reason I didn’t say anything. You know how Archer gets about cyborgs.”

“Do I ever.” Lana looks pained. “You said ‘the main reason’ you didn’t tell us. So what’s the other one?”

Pam’s response is muffled by another illicit bite of Lana’s burrito, but Lana hears enough to make her eyebrows shoot up nearly to her hairline. “Excuuuuse me? Did I seriously just hear you say you’re going to try and set her up with _Krieger_?”

Now Lana is certain: Pam looks guilty, and now she knows why. “I cannot _believe_ you! A: what the shit? B: what the actual shit? C: isn’t encouraging inter-office romances like the _exact opposite of your job_? It’s not like this place isn’t already dysfunctional enough!”

Pam sighs. “I just… I kinda feel sorry for him, OK? He hasn’t been himself since we all got back from San Marcos, and I think he’s lonely. I think it really hurt his feelings when none of us noticed he went missing for like three weeks.” 

“He has feelings?” Lana snarks.

“Come on! He’s a total weirdo but he’s a decent guy. We play poker and go bowling together and he’s a lot of fun. Mad scientists need love too, you know, and not from frickin’ anime holograms.” 

Pam reaches over for Lana’s burrito again but Lana slaps her hand away this time, shaking her head. “Leave my lunch alone, shitass. This might be the worst idea you’ve ever had, and yes, I’m counting the time you thought it would be okay to piss off the Yakuza.” 

“I just hope for her sake he’s gotten stronger hands. He’s really bad at choking,” Cheryl muses. 

Lana and Pam both close their eyes in exasperation. “You do know not everybody’s into that, right?” 

“Well, they should be,” Cheryl says, unrepentant. “Total sploosh.”

***

“Hello? Dr. Krieger?”

Krieger’s under his work table, elbow-deep in his latest project, when he hears someone at the doorway to his lab. His mind instantly begins analysis to determine whether he should bother responding. _Voice: female. Youngish: not Malory then. Unfamiliar: not Pam, Cheryl, or Lana either._ He decides he’d better investigate, and pops his head up from behind the table to get a look at the owner of the mysterious voice. 

_Definitely unfamiliar. Hair: not Pam’s dirty blonde or Cheryl’s dried-blood auburn, but something in between._ It makes him think of precious metals and alloys, all copper-gold-bronze. _Eyes: almost Archer-blue, but softer somehow. Wide, blue-grey-green like ocean water. Skin: pale, no freckles. Must wear sunscreen,_ he thinks with approval. She looks like sunlight and he’s never seen anything so beautiful. 

“Dr. Krieger? Are you all right?” 

Half-worried, half-amused ocean eyes meet his, and he realizes he’s hiding behind his work table like Kilroy, staring at his visitor. This jolts him back to life and he stands up fully, coming around the table to extend a hand. 

“Yep yep yep! I’m Dr. Krieger – but I guess you knew that already.” He shakes his head at his own behavior. “Sorry, I was in my own world under there. And you are…?”

“Ha! Don’t worry about that, I’ve been there. I’m Penny Brown, the new technical analyst. Ms. Poovey in HR mentioned we have some interests in common and that I should come down here to meet you.”

She smiles, and her eyes crinkle. _Blitzkrieg_ , he thinks. _Lightning, straight to the heart. I have a feeling she’s going to be trouble._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry, guys. This idea grabbed me and would not let me go till I wrote it down. Let me know what you think!


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things aren't exactly going as planned, and Pam finds herself caught in the middle.

Although Penny was announced as Bilbo’s replacement, she’s ended up spending most of her first week working in Krieger’s lab. He still thinks she’s gorgeous, but she’s turning out to be a royal pain in his ass. She’s all but performed a hostile takeover of the cyborg side of his work, just moving in and taking up space and meddling with his projects without asking, and Krieger is not at all happy about it. 

He storms into Pam’s office without knocking. “Krieger,” she says dryly. “To what do I owe the pleasure?” She doesn’t even bother hiding the drink in her hand; they’re all a long way past that point.

“Goddamn it to hell, Pam! What are you playing at, sending the new girl down to occupy my lab? I thought she was supposed to be taking over for Bilbo!” 

Pam sighs. “In case you haven’t noticed, we have like zero field agents now. There’s nothing for her to _do_ up there, which Malory totally overlooked, and there’s plenty for her to do in your lab. She specializes in cyborg technology – I thought you’d be happy to have the help now that Malory won’t let you have interns anymore.” 

“I don’t _need_ the help! I need my lab back!”

“Have you tried actually, ya know, _talkin’_ to her, or was your first impulse to come up here and take it out on me?” 

Krieger scowls. “No. I’m trying to talk to her as little as possible. She’s driving me insane. Do you know, she actually plays music in the lab? And she _sings along!_ ”

“Oh, no, how terrible.” Pam’s sarcasm could cut glass. “It’s not like you’ve never done the same thing! Half the times I’ve been down there, you’ve been rockin’ out using lab instruments as drumsticks.”

“That’s completely different.” 

“Really not sure how. Seriously, just frickin’ talk to her. You’re going to be sharing lab space for at least a while, so do us all a favor and try to get along. At least try not to kill her. The paperwork on my end would suck donkey dick.” 

“I make no promises.” Krieger stomps out, muttering in German. 

Lana appears in the doorway and smirks at Pam. “Your little plan isn’t going so well, I take it?” 

“Shut up.” 

***

Penny’s first couple of weeks at her new job have left her exhausted. She’s found herself fitting well into the group for the most part, sassing Archer enough to earn what passes for respect with him, cooing over AJ, appearing unshockable when Pam and Cheryl trade stories of sexual shenanigans, and she’s earned Ray’s undying friendship by showing him how to reboot his own legs when the need arises. 

The only thorn in her side is Krieger. She’s never had so much scope for creativity in her work as she has here, but she hasn’t been able to brainstorm with him like she’d planned. Her very presence seems to irritate him, and he’s usually short with her. It’s obvious he’s feeling territorial about his lab and his projects, but she can’t seem to get him to understand that she wants to work with him, not take over.

If she’s honest with herself, though, she has to admit that she kind of _has_ taken over, at least with the cyborg stuff. Penny was livid when she found out from Ray that he had been effectively paralyzed again for weeks until Krieger bothered to get around to rebooting the CPU controlling his legs, and she’s vowed never to let that happen again. It’s personal for her, and she’ll be damned if she lets Ray or anyone else suffer because Krieger’s wrapped up in some other weird project. 

Penny decides it’s time to enlist some help, so she heads up to Pam’s office. She knocks at the door. “Hi, Pam? You busy?”

“Hey, Penny. Figured it was you. None of these other dickheads ever bother to knock.” Pam laughs. “How’ve your first couple of weeks been?”

“Pretty good so far. I’m kind of having a problem with Dr. Krieger though.” 

Pam is so not surprised to hear this. “What kind of problem? Has he been takin’ his clothes off in the lab again? ‘Cause you’re just gonna have to get used to that. None of the rest of us have ever been able to stop him.”

“Um…. no, can’t honestly say I’ve encountered that one yet!” Penny isn’t quite sure of the best way to approach this, but she has a feeling Pam will understand. “This might sound stupid, but he's been really difficult to work with. I wanted to help him on his cyborg projects, but he was totally neglecting them, so…” 

“So, ya just kinda moved in and took over, am I right?” Pam cuts her off.

"How did you know? Let me guess, he already came up here and complained about me?"

"Right in one." 

“Figures. That asshole could have said something to me, at least, before he dragged you into it." Penny sighs. "Maybe I shouldn’t have been so pushy, but I was so pissed off about what he did to Ray, and this is my major area of expertise!” 

“Look.” Pam leans forward. “Krieger’s kind of an odd one. He’s basically never had any oversight down there in his lab, and he’s used to doing exactly what he pleases. He’s been working for Malory since he was a teenager, and she doesn’t give a shit what he does as long as she’s not directly involved. It’s probably best for all of us if you do take charge of the cyborg stuff, what with Ray and all, but you gotta expect Krieger’s gonna be a pissbaby about it.” 

"So how do I get him to stop being a… pissbaby, then, so I can do my job?”

“Just kick ass. Once he sees that you know what you’re doing, he’ll come around. He respects intelligence, and he really is a sweetie once you get to know him. He has a good heart, somewhere in there. It’s just… buried under a bunch of random organs and weird science experiments and shit.” 

“I’ll take your word for it.” Penny rolls her eyes.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Krieger is an ass. Penny loses patience.

One month in, and they’ve mostly come to an uneasy truce. Penny and Krieger don’t talk much at work, but Krieger’s come to appreciate her obvious technical skills, and her takeover of the cyborg division has turned out to be a blessing in disguise. Without having to worry about that, he’s been able to focus more time on his less… socially-acceptable projects, and so far Penny’s left those strictly alone. She’s never said so explicitly, but Krieger has a feeling she doesn’t approve. He knows it’s childish, maybe, but he can’t resist the impulse to work on particularly gross things when she’s around, just to see the look on her face. 

Krieger’s even learned to (mostly) make peace with her music, mainly because his initial irritation faded once he figured out that they like a lot of the same bands. Penny’s a morning person and she’s usually in the lab before Krieger gets there, night owl that he is, so he’s learned to gauge her mood by what she’s playing when he arrives. If she’s trying to focus on a project, it’s the Allman Brothers or something equally bluesy, heavy on the guitars. Led Zeppelin and AC/DC are for days when she’s frustrated with her work. If she’s feeling mellow, it’s the Grateful Dead; this morning it’s Sugar Magnolia and she’s singing along. 

_Sweet blossom, come on, under the willow_  
_We can have high times if you’ll abide_  
_We can discover the wonders of nature_  
_Rollin’ in the rushes, down by the riverside_

Krieger stops just outside the door to listen. His thoughts drift, and the music pulls him into a fantasy of a picnic on the riverbank, just him and Penny and some Groovy Bears. _Where the hell did that come from? Am I actually starting to_ like _her_? He’s so wrapped up in his thoughts that he doesn’t notice when the music stops and Penny peeks out the door at him. 

“Planning on coming to work today?”

Krieger startles out of his daydream and Penny looks at him quizzically. “Do I want to know where you were just now?”

“Mmmmm… nope. Probably not.” _Inappropes_ , he thinks, _as Pam would say_. As he settles in to his work, he finds himself humming, though.

_She’s got everything delightful  
She’s got everything I need…_

He groans to himself. _This is not good_.

***

Krieger’s day goes downhill from there. He’s struggling with a particularly tricky bit of hybridization, and his patience finally snaps. 

“Will you please turn that off? It’s distracting the hell out of me.” 

Penny looks up, startled, to see Krieger with a nasty scowl on his face. His hands and arms are covered in blood, and for a second she thinks he’s hurt himself until her gaze drops to the… _thing_ … on his work table. She can’t hide the look of disgust on her face, and he sees it right away. 

“If you have a problem with my work, princess, you can always run upstairs and play with the computers. They don’t bleed,” Krieger snarls. 

“No. You know what?” Penny whirls to face him. “ _Here’s_ my problem. I took this job because of you, and you’ve been nothing but a gold-plated _asshole_.” 

Krieger steps back, wide-eyed in the face of her fury, but Penny stomps forward and draws herself up to her full height, toe to toe with him and finger jabbing into his chest. She’s thoroughly fed up with his attitude and her self-control is gone.

“When I interviewed here, Malory went on and on about what a genius you were and how your work in robotics was second to none, and I was so thrilled to get the chance to work with you. You’re _brilliant_ \- I’ve seen your schematics, and your work on cyborgs is light-years ahead of what I thought was possible! You could be doing so much good for the world, and I wanted to help you do it, but all you want to do is fuck around with sex robots and human-animal hybrids and shit like that. It’s such a waste of your intelligence and your creativity.”

She takes a deep breath. “Everything I know about cyborgs, I taught myself, and I was so excited to have a chance to really learn from an expert. I am finally in a position to make a name for myself in this field and _I am not going to let you fuck this up for me_.” 

Krieger is speechless. This is the last thing he expected; the rest of the team mostly tries to ignore what he does down here in his lab. He just drifts, working on whatever strikes his fancy, and nobody asks too many questions, or suggests he might want to redirect his considerable energies into something more useful. He’s never thought of himself as someone who could change lives for good before, or someone who could be admired, and he’s not sure how to feel about that idea.

He shrugs weakly, not really sure how to respond. “This is who I am, Penny. Take it or leave it.” 

Penny’s on her way out of the lab, but she turns to look back at him. “That is complete and utter cop-out bullshit. It may be what you do, but I refuse to believe it’s who you are.” She sails out the door, head held high. 

Krieger sinks into a chair, feeling oddly shaky, and more than a little aroused, although he tries not to think too hard about that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lyrics belong to the Grateful Dead, not to me!


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The gang lets Penny in on a little secret.

“Think it’s time?” Lana murmurs to Pam, as Penny approaches the elevators that afternoon, looking worn down.

“Hell yeah! She’s cool. Time to initiate her.” 

“Hey, Penny!” Pam calls. “Come have a drink with us to celebrate surviving a month here!”

Penny turns and smiles. “Sure! I could really use one. Where are we going?” 

Pam and Lana look at each other and break into giggles. “It’s a surprise – come over here and let Pammy put a blindfold on you.”

“Only if you promise not to drug me and have your way with me,” Penny laughs. 

“Well, I won’t,” Lana says. “Can’t speak for Pam, though. She’s kinda kinky.” 

Blindfolded, Penny takes Pam’s hand and obediently follows her. She can tell they’re heading deeper into the office, but figures they’re just picking up something before they leave for whatever bar they’re taking her to. Suddenly they stop, and Penny can tell by the scent that they’ve entered some kind of supply closet. _I thought they liked me,_ she thinks. _What the hell are they doing? Trapping me in some closet and leaving me for the weekend?_

She hears a soft beep and a door click open. “Voila!” Lana cries. “Behold the number one perk of working with this bunch of psychos.” Penny’s blindfold is removed and she finds herself in a Japanese spa, complete with all the accoutrements. 

“Hooooooly shit,” she breathes. “This is amazing! Is this seriously a part of our office?” 

“Well, not an official part. We put this in when the office was renovated after the explosion, but we never told Malory about it. She’d have a shit fit.” 

“We never told Archer, either,” Pam adds. “He’d just bring some chick in here and bang her in the hot tub and defile our sacred relaxation space. Probably Lana.” 

Lana gives Pam the finger, but she’s grinning. “Probably not wrong,” she admits. “Still, we all just need an Archer-free zone every once in a while, and that goes for both Mama and Junior.” 

“So, is this ladies-only?” Penny asks. 

“Not officially. We all know about it except for the Archers, but the only dudes you’re likely to run into in here are Cyril and Krieger. Ray doesn’t usually come in here because it screws with the circuits in his legs,” Pam says. Penny makes a mental note to do something about that; she’s fond of Ray already and she knows he’d love to hang out in here.

“It’s ladies only for tonight, though,” Lana says. “We told Cyril to bugger off so he doesn’t frighten the new girl with his enormous package, and Krieger had other plans for the evening anyway.” 

Pam groans. “I don’t even want to know. Cheryl had to go let Babou out but she’s coming back in a little bit, so let’s get nekkid and get our drink on!”

***

A couple of hours later, they’re all a few drinks in and feeling very good. “So, I have to ask,” Lana says to Penny. “You can’t possibly be as perfect as you seem. What’s your fatal flaw?” 

Penny laughs. “Well, let’s see,” she muses. “I have a bad temper and a potty mouth, although that seems to be less of a problem in this particular office. I can’t dance for shit, I suck at drawing, and I have to admit I’m kind of a lightweight when it comes to booze.”

“That ain’t gonna last long with this crowd!” Pam cackles. “We all like to party pretty hard around here.” 

“Yeah, I’ve noticed. Gotta say I never expected to wind up naked in a hot tub and drunk with my coworkers just a month onto a new job!” 

“Work here long enough and you’ll see all of us naked,” Cheryl says matter-of-factly. “Best to get it out of the way early.” 

“Well, most of us have slept with just about everybody here at one time or another, so we’re all pretty comfortable with each other. Hope that doesn’t bother you,” Lana adds. 

“Nope. It’s just new - I’ve honestly never worked anywhere before that I _wanted_ to get naked with any of my coworkers!”

Tipsy as she is, Lana’s trained to pick up on tiny details, and she pounces on this one. “Wait a minute! You said ‘before.’ That implies there’s somebody you work with now that you want to get naked with!” 

“Spill! Spill! Spill!” Pam and Cheryl start chanting. Penny’s blushing now, which just spurs them on more. “Wish we still had that Bang, Marry, Kill thing on the intranet,” Pam says. “Malory made me shut it down, though, after she found out everybody wanted to kill her.” 

“Come on,” Lana teases. “You have to tell us now that you let it slip.” 

“Well, I have to say all the guys here are pretty good-looking, but Archer’s yours, and he’s not really my type anyway. Ray is adorable as all hell, but he’s gay, of course, and Cyril is a little too… accountant-y for me. I like my men a little more adventurous.” This is not good enough for Pam, Lana, and Cheryl, who start booing.

“Do I need to make you take a shot?” Pam threatens. “Spill it!”

Penny grabs the bottle and takes a swig to give herself some more courage; she’s been here long enough to know her opinion’s not a popular one, and she’s not even entirely sure how she feels about it herself. Her head is spinning already, and she finds herself blurting it out anyway. “I think Dr. Krieger is hot,” she says dreamily. “He’s been such an asshole to me, but he’s so smart! I love to watch him working in the lab – his hands are really sexy, and he has the most gorgeous green eyes. He’s so tall I just want to climb him like a tree.”

“Oooooo _kay_! New girl’s cut off.” Lana grabs the bottle out of Penny’s hand. “No shit you’re a lightweight. Krieger, really??” 

“Never really thought about it before, but I can see it.” Pam considers the possibilities. “His eyes _are_ nice, and I gotta admit I’ve checked out his ass when he takes off his clothes at poker night. It’s pretty bangin’.” 

“He is such a weirdo, though!” Lana protests. “He’s into some really freaky stuff.” 

Penny sighs. “I know. I totally lost it and blew up at him today… he just frustrates the hell out of me. He’s so goddamn hot, but I think he hates me.” 

“Hate-sex is the best sex! Next time you have a fight, just grab him and shove him up against the wall!” Cheryl chirps. 

“Don’t stick your metaphorical dick in crazy,” Lana warns. “Been there, done that, and it never ends well.” 

Pam snorts. “If everybody followed that principle, Cheryl’d never get laid.”


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Friends. And maybe a little more.

Krieger’s latest project still isn’t going well, and he’s still a little shaken up from his argument with Penny a few days back. He’s flustered and sweaty and desperately in need of some relaxation, so he decides to head to the secret spa as soon as he gets to a good stopping place. Lana’s off on a mission somewhere, and Cyril’s busy doing whatever it is he does, but Krieger wants the spa all to himself today, so he stops off at Pam’s office to tell her to keep herself and Cheryl at a distance tonight. Pam agrees instantly, but she has a smirk on her face that Krieger doesn’t know how to read. It never occurs to him that now there’s someone else who might be aware of the spa’s existence. 

An hour later, Krieger dodges Malory and sneaks into the janitor’s closet. He presses his eye up to the retinal scanner and enters his access code, but when the door opens, he stops short. He’s not going to have the spa to himself today after all. Penny’s already in the hot tub, head thrown back and utterly, bonelessly relaxed. Her eyes are closed and she doesn’t appear to have heard him enter. _IshouldleaveIshouldleaveIshouldleave_ pounds through his mind, but he’s frozen in the doorway and can’t force himself to turn around. Krieger sends up a quick prayer of thanks to whatever deities might be out there that he hasn’t undressed yet; lab coats hide a multitude of sins. He’s more attracted to Penny than he has been to any non-holographic woman in a very long time, but he’s not quite ready to let her see the evidence. 

Krieger musters up his courage and knocks softly on the doorframe. Penny startles to life and lets out a strangled squeak, crossing her arms quickly over her breasts (below the waterline, but still). Her eyes are wide, and she’s breathing fast, but she doesn’t seem offended, so Krieger counts this as a win so far. 

“Oh, my God, you scared me!” she says. “I thought everyone else had gone home already.” 

“They have. Sorry to scare you – I didn’t even know you knew about the spa yet.” 

“The ladies initiated me last Friday.” Penny rolls her eyes. “It took me till today to shake the hangover.” 

“Yep, yep, yep! That sounds about right. Pam can drink anybody under the table – best not to even try to keep up with her.” 

“I’m learning that,” Penny says dryly. She looks up at him and he’s not quite sure what to do, but he really does need a soak, so he bites the bullet. 

“Do you – um – mind if I get in? It’s been a hell of a day and I could really use it.” 

***

This is not what Penny expected, at all, but to be fair, she’s never quite sure what to expect from Krieger. They’ve mostly avoided each other since their argument, and Penny’s not sure he’s forgiven her for the things she said to him. “Um… no! Feel free. I didn’t mean to steal your hot tub time,” she stammers. 

“It’s okay,” he says. “Nobody really has a designated time, or anything. Most of the time nobody’s in here on weekday evenings, though, so I wasn’t expecting anyone. Don’t leave on my account.” 

Penny’s heart is racing. She’s not sure where this is going, but this is pretty much the longest civil conversation she’s ever had with Krieger, so she settles back in and closes her eyes again so he can get undressed and get in. She’s only human, though, so she can’t resist sneaking a peek while he has his back turned. _Damn,_ she thinks. _Pam was right. Who knew that ass was hiding under his lab coat?_ She smiles to herself and closes her eyes again until she can hear that Krieger’s in the tub. 

“So what’s going on with your project?” she asks. “Anything I can help with?” 

Krieger considers this. “Maaaaaaybe,” he says, but he doesn’t explain further. Penny gets the impression he doesn’t want to talk about it right now, so she drops the subject. They soak in silence for a while, but Penny’s wound up tighter and tighter until she feels like she’ll snap if she doesn’t say something.

“I’m sorry,” she blurts.

Krieger opens his eyes. “Come again?”

“I’m sorry. For what I said to you the other day. I was out of line.” 

“No, you’re not. I can tell.” He doesn’t sound angry, just matter-of-fact. 

Penny decides it’s time to lay all her cards on the table. The quiet, foggy atmosphere in the spa feels conducive to total honesty, and she needs to get this off her chest if she’s ever going to be able to truly work with Krieger. 

“Okay. Maybe you’re right.” She sighs. “I’m not sorry for what I said, because it’s true, but I am sorry for how I said it. I have a tendency to fly off the handle anyway, and this is a really personal issue for me.” 

“Personal?”

“My uncle is a cyborg. That’s how I started with all this – he raised me, and I’ve been fixing him up and tinkering with electronics since I was a kid. He was nearly killed in an explosion, and the robotics lab he worked for basically rebuilt him from the ground up. He had so many gadgets built into him that he was more robot than human, but he was still my uncle, you know?”

Krieger’s been leaning back, but this pulls him to attention. “Wait a minute. I know this story, I think. Your uncle’s not John ‘Gadget’ Brown, by any chance, is he?”

“The very one.” 

“My God, that man’s a legend! He’s incredible. I can’t believe I didn’t make the connection before. No wonder you’re so good with the robotics and all.” 

Penny can’t believe her ears; he’s actually praising her. _Maybe Pam was right. It just took some time._ “Well, anyway,” she continues. “Because of him, all I’ve ever wanted to do with my life was work with cyborgs. There’s so much we can do now with technology that wasn’t around twenty years ago, not just to heal people but to improve them. So when I got the chance to come and work here, with you, I jumped at it, but…” 

“But I wasn’t the mentor you hoped for, was I?” Krieger sounds like he’s genuinely a little remorseful, and Penny’s hopes begin to rise. “For what it’s worth, I’m sorry too. I’ve never had anyone with me in the lab before but interns, and I’ve become used to having everything my own way.” 

Penny risks it. “And maybe you were feeling a little threatened by me?”

He pauses, but the look on his face says it all. “Also, yes. Maybe.”

“I do tend to charge in and take over… for all my uncle’s gadgets, he wasn’t actually a very good detective, and I was usually the one who ended up solving the crime and saving the day. He got all the credit, of course.” Penny’s wry now, old enough to acknowledge her uncle’s faults without diminishing her love for him. “It’s something I’m trying to work on.”

“Don’t work too hard on that,” Krieger says. “You deserve to get the credit for your work. I’ve never seen anyone with such an instinctive grasp of the technology.” There’s an unreadable look in his eyes that Penny thinks might be professional admiration, might be something more. She finds herself blushing.

“Thanks. That really means a lot coming from you.” She holds out her hand. “Friends, then?”

“Friends,” he agrees, shaking Penny’s hand. He smiles at her, and she realizes she’s never seen him smile before; it transforms his face. She settles back against the edge of the tub, feeling drained but much lighter now that she’s cleared the air with Krieger. 

After a while, he starts humming softly to himself, and Penny catches the melody. “Rush fan, eh?” she says. 

“You like Rush?” 

“Yeah! My uncle and I spent a lot of time in Canada when I was a kid, and he was a big fan.” 

“Best rock band in history,” Krieger proclaims. “Neil Peart is a god among men and I can only aspire to his example.”

Penny giggles. “What about John Bonham, though? You have to admit he was a pretty kickass drummer.” 

“Bonham’s a pussy.” 

“Okay then,” Penny says. “I guess that answers that.”

They fall silent again, and Penny is almost asleep when she hears Krieger moving around in the hot tub. She opens her eyes to see that he’s moved closer to her, and for half a second she thinks he’s going to kiss her. “I was wrong,” he murmurs, almost to himself.

“Hmm?”

“You _do_ have freckles. Just here.” He traces the line of her cheekbone, just under her eye, so gently that she feels the warmth of his hand more than the touch. “I didn’t see them, before.” 

Penny can’t help herself. She closes her eyes, tips her head back, and waits for the kiss she’s now sure is coming. But Krieger’s hand leaves her face, and when she opens her eyes again he’s gone.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A trip and a return.

“Oh, my God, girl. That is _so_ hot.” Ray falls back in his chair and fans himself exaggeratedly. He’s been filled in on the backstory by Lana, back from her mission, and Penny’s hot tub adventure is the best thing he’s heard all week. 

“Did you kiss him?” Lana leans forward. Against her better judgment, she’s let herself get invested in this situation, and she’s captivated by Penny’s tale. 

“Did you bone him?” Classic Pam, straight to the point as always. 

“No, and no, and _shut up_. He might hear us!” Penny’s blushing again, but she had to tell somebody, after all. 

“Well, why the hell not? He was right there for the takin', and he obviously wants you,” Ray reasons. 

Penny’s about to respond to this when Cheryl stomps in, clearly annoyed about something. “Jesus! Archer is such a pain in the ass!” 

“What did he do this time?” Lana doesn’t really want to know, but she asks anyway.

“He just called from Las Vegas and he’s not allowed to fly or ride the train or something and he refuses to ride the bus, so he wants me to send my plane to go pick him up. Ugh! Why can’t he just buy a car and drive back like normal people?” 

Nobody feels like explaining to Cheryl that her concept of “normal” is a little skewed, but Ray instantly sees the possibilities in this situation. “Hey! I need some multi-engine airtime to keep up my pilot’s license. If you don’t mind lettin’ me fly this thing, I’ll go get him.”

“Woooo! Trip to Vegas! Let’s all go!” Pam whoops. 

Ray fixes her with a glare. “We are _not_ gonna go party in Vegas. We are going to land, pick up Archer’s sorry ass, and fly back here before Malory cans us all.” 

“You said ‘we,’” Pam points out. “You’re clearly not opposed to making this a group thing.”

_Phrasing, boom!_ Lana thinks before she can stop herself, and groans out loud. “Well, I’m not going anywhere,” she says. “I just got back and someone has to cover for you idiots with Malory, but knock yourselves out.” 

“I’ll stay too,” Penny volunteers. “I’m in the middle of something and don’t really want to leave it too long.” 

Ray sighs and drops his head into his hands. “ _Fine_. Cheryl’s coming because it’s her plane. Pam’s coming because she’s Pam. Anybody else taggin’ along on this godforsaken excuse for a rescue mission?” 

“Did somebody say Vegas?” Cyril pokes his head into the break room, looking excited. Pam checks her texts. “Krieger says he wants to come too, and he has the _best_ idea! If you won’t let us tear shit up in Vegas, we can at least stop in Branson and catch a show. We can be back by tomorrow morning.” 

Ray has lost all ability to respond at this point, and he looks so defeated that Penny pats his shoulder in sympathy. “I’m sure everything will be fine,” she says. “What could go wrong?” 

“Oh, honey. You’re definitely new here if you’re still thinkin’ that way.” 

***

They’re not back by the next morning, or even by Friday. It’s the next Monday before the travellers show back up in the office, Archer looking no worse for wear after his adventure as usual. Penny can’t say the same for Pam and Krieger, though. Both of them have come back from their trip looking deeply disturbed about something, and decidedly not themselves. They’re very close-lipped about what happened on their trip to Vegas, and Penny only finds out second-hand about the unscheduled stop at Nellis when Archer makes a snide reference to Krieger’s adventures with electricity. Pam insists that isn’t what happened, but since she can’t or won’t tell the true story (or at least, nobody believes her), the rumor spreads. 

Penny wanders down to the lab, hoping to chat with Krieger about whatever project has him so on edge, now that he’s back from his mini-vacation. He’s there, all right, but it’s instantly apparent that he is not in any shape to talk about work. Krieger’s normal demeanor is gone, and he’s standing at his work table, staring down at a mess of electronic components like he’s never seen them before. His hands are trembling, and Penny steps up to touch his arm. 

“Dr. Krieger?”

He jumps, turns to look at her, but Penny can tell he’s not seeing her. Whatever it is he’s looking at, it’s not there in real life. Penny’s never seen him look like this; his cheeks are even more hollow than usual and his eyes are vacant. He looks like he hasn’t eaten or slept in days, and can’t remember how to function. 

“Are you all right? What’s wrong? Can I help?” 

Penny has no idea what’s happened, but she can tell he’s not safe to be in the lab in the state he’s in. She tries again to get through to him, reaching up to touch his cheek. 

“Algernop? Please talk to me.” 

She’s never used his first name before, and it seems to shake him back to reality a little. “Penny,” he says, but tentatively, like he’s not quite sure who she is. 

“Yes, it’s me. Penny. I don’t know what’s wrong but you look dead on your feet and it’s not safe for you to be working in the lab right now. Is there somewhere you can go to rest for a while?” 

Krieger thinks. “The spa,” he says. “I could go there.” 

“That’s a good idea,” Penny says, relieved. “Go have a nap and I’ll take over here for you.” 

He nods, and still looking dazed, leaves the lab. 

_What in the hell_ happened _out there?_

***

Krieger lets himself into the secret spa and the door closes behind him. Through the fog in his mind, he somehow remembers the futon he and Pam snuck in here one weekend, after the third time somebody passed out in the spa after poker night. He unrolls it next to the hot tub and decides to take a quick dip first in the hopes of clearing his head a bit. There’s something nagging at him that he can’t quite remember, but he knows it’s enormously important, and the failure to recall is giving him a hell of a headache. 

He soaks for a bit and tries to relax in the hot water, but it’s not helping. _Maybe Penny’s right,_ he thinks. _I need some sleep._ Climbing out of the tub, he finds a towel and makes a half-hearted attempt to dry off before collapsing onto the futon, not bothering to put his clothes back on. Left alone, he generally prefers to wear as little as possible, although he’s curbed his tendency to disrobe in the lab for Penny’s sake. 

Thoughts flow through Krieger’s mind as he drifts in and out of a doze. He hasn’t had a full night’s sleep since before he went to Nellis, and his brain feels like it’s full of holes, but the spa time does seem to be helping a little. He still can’t remember what it is he’s supposed to be remembering, but it doesn’t seem quite so urgent at the moment. Gradually, he relaxes further, and begins to drift away. 

He’s nearly asleep when he hears the explosion.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Totally not sorry for the cliffhanger. We're almost there! If you like my writing please leave a review and let me know... I have a bunch more in the works that I'll be happy to post if people are interested.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's all coming together now.

Krieger sits bolt upright. _Penny!_ The explosion definitely came from the direction of his lab, and his only thought is that he needs to get there as quickly as possible. For a split second he considers getting dressed, and decides it’s not worth the time. He grabs his towel and runs. 

Penny’s sprawled on the floor of the lab, and at first glance Krieger thinks she’s dead. He drops to his knees, checks her pulse and breathing, and finds them within the range of normal, but she’s not waking up. _Not dead, then, but unconscious. Giant scorch mark on wall and ceiling, smell of ozone in the air: explosion must have been electrical in nature. No fire apparent, no immediate hazards in sight._

He tucks his towel underneath her head to cushion the tile floor, and collapses, head in hands, berating himself. 

_Krieger, you incompetent goddamn shit-for-brains asshole! This is completely your fault. She was working on your project when you left, you probably connected something wrong and now you’ve blown her up, just when you’re starting to realize there might be something there. She’s going to hate you when she wakes up._

_If she wakes up._

And he still can’t remember… whatever it was, but he knows it was life-changing.

***

Penny blinks. Something is definitely not right. She takes stock: massive headache, lying on the lab floor, slightly damp towel under her head. She looks to her right, sees a scorch mark on the wall. _Lab accident, then._ She looks to her left, sees Krieger curled on the floor next to her, shoulders shaking. 

“Algernop? What happened?”

He looks up at her, face suspiciously damp. “Penny?” The vacant look from earlier has gone, but now he looks terrified. 

“What happened?” she repeats.

“Penny! Oh, my God, I thought I’d killed you!” Krieger gasps. He hurls himself at her and wraps her in a surprisingly strong hug. Penny’s still dazed, but she has enough presence of mind to realize that their heart-to-heart in the hot tub last week has apparently catapulted their relationship to a completely new level. 

“I’m fine!” she protests. “Well, maybe not fine, not yet.” She laughs weakly. “But I’m definitely not dead.” 

Krieger’s holding on to her like not even a million-dollar research grant could induce him to let go, and she returns his hug, rubbing his back, before something occurs to her.

“Is… is there a particular reason you’re naked?”

Krieger pulls back a little and looks down. “Hmm. I was wearing a towel and you needed a pillow,” he says matter-of-factly, like that’s a sufficient explanation. 

Penny decides to let that one go for right now. They’re still holding each other on the lab floor, and now Krieger’s green eyes are focused on her intently. Emotions chase each other around his face, but suddenly he lights up like she’s never seen him do before. 

“I remember now!” he whispers, his deep voice huskier than usual. “I remember! I know what it means. The sunshine daydream.” 

Penny doesn’t get a chance to ask what that means before she’s being kissed senseless. He’s not gentle now, winding a hand into her hair and claiming her for his own. _Yes! Finally!_ She returns the kiss with equal intensity, only coming up for air when she hears applause from the doorway. Pam and Ray are leaning on opposite doorjambs, identical smirks on their faces. 

Krieger glares. “Do you two voyeurs mind? We’re having a moment here.” 

Ray snorts. “Pot, meet kettle. And we’re just thrilled to bits for y’all, but ya might wanna have your ‘moment’ somewhere a little more private, before Malory comes chargin’ down here to see what you blew up this time.”

Pam plucks a spare lab coat off the rack by the door and tosses it at Krieger, hitting him in the head. “Ray’s right. And put some goddamn clothes on, ya frickin’ perv.” 

Penny can’t help it. “Oh, my _God._ ” She collapses in laughter, and after a minute, Krieger joins her. God, she loves this crazy place already. 

***

They’re floating together in the hot tub, Penny cradled in Krieger’s lap. He hasn’t let go of her since she woke up from the explosion, and she is completely okay with that. Something still isn’t quite right, though. 

“Algernop?” She rests her head against his shoulder and reaches up to stroke his beard. 

“Mmm?”

“Will you tell me what happened? Out in Vegas?”

Krieger takes a deep breath. “You know the things the others say about me? Some of them are true. Also a lot of them. But the thing about the electrical outlet is definitely not true.” 

“Oooookay,” Penny says encouragingly. This is not quite the explanation she hoped for, but he continues.

“We stopped at Nellis because Archer was an idiot as usual and got Cheryl’s plane shot down. He talked his way into the crew lounge, and we were hanging out in there.”

Krieger pauses for a minute, collecting his thoughts. “You know what’s out by Nellis, right?”

“Area 51,” Penny says. “Everybody knows that.”

Krieger nods. “Area 51. Well, it’s real. Pam and I saw aliens. Just walking around, like people.” 

Penny had heard a rumor to that effect, but chalked it up to Pam’s usual exaggerations. “Aliens.”

“Aliens,” Krieger confirms. “We were the only ones who saw them, and we took off running after them. We found them, and they talked to us. They told us the secrets of the universe, and a private message for each of us besides, but I think maybe we weren’t meant to know the things they told us. Ever since then, I’ve been forgetting it a little bit at a time. I still remember some, but it’s disappearing fast. It scared the hell out of us. They disappeared in this bright flash just as Archer came around the corner, so he didn’t see them, and of course nobody else believes us when we tell them what happened.”

It makes sense now. Penny figures that alien encounters would be just about the only thing that could disconcert the unflappable Krieger to that degree, but there’s still a piece missing.

“What did they tell you?”

“They seemed to be able to know everything about me, like they could see right into my thoughts and my heart. They told me, ‘It’s time to turn to lighter things. Follow the sunshine daydream.’ I thought it sounded like hippie bullshit. Or maybe it was the LSD, but that’s what they said. I didn’t know what it meant at the time.” 

“Do you know now?”

“I think so,” Krieger says. “I realized it when I saw your face, after the explosion. I think it’s you. You’re the sunshine daydream.” He sighs deeply. “I’m… I’m maybe not a good person. I’ve done a lot of fucked-up things for science and honestly just for fun, and I’m not very good with… well, human relationships. But I think you might have been right when you said I’ve been wasting my time. You make me want to try to do more good in the world. To do lighter things. But I don’t think I can do it without you.” 

Penny snuggles closer to his chest, and nods, eyes welling up. He tightens his arms around her and presses a kiss to her forehead. 

“Do you remember the secrets of the universe?”

“Love,” he says. “All I can remember is love.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In case you're not a classic rock fan, "sunshine daydream" is a line from Sugar Magnolia by the Grateful Dead (aka Penny's song a few chapters back). 
> 
> Thank you for reading! I had a lot of fun writing this, and I refuse to apologize for shameless fluff. Please leave a review and let me know what you thought.


End file.
